Zombie Sex Sparks the Imagination

Friday, 29 June 2012 Crista

Ever had sex with a zombie? Maybe you think your partner is a real deadbeat when it comes to lovemaking. But before you consider those accusations, remember that real zombies are a lot different and scarier. Zombie mania continues to sweep the nation. People have been fascinated with tales of zombies for centuries, although the release of George Romero-style “Living Dead” zombie movies always sparks a renewal of interest in these soulless creatures brought back to life. To stretch their fantasies, zombie fans enjoy speculating on an actual zombie apocalypse that stems from a catastrophic event, causing zombies to rise and wreak havoc on the world. Some poor souls take these horror scenarios seriously. Cries of a zombie apocalypse may erupt whenever a real-life bizarre incident occurs, usually perpetrated by a drug-crazed madman. The Centers for Disease dildos, vibrators, masturbatorsControl and Prevention (CDC) was recently so frustrated with irrational fears from the public that it was forced to release a statement saying, in effect: No, Virginia, there is no such thing as zombies. Aside from zombie movies and folklore, zombies make great costumes at parties. The allure of zombies has unleashed several zombie survival guides and kits just in case there ever is a zombie apocalypse.


If you’ve ever seen the movies, you probably thought to yourself that zombies are pretty easy to knock over, as long as you don’t get in the way of their teeth. They move slowly, fall easily and really get all messed up when you shoot them in the head. The sluggish nature of zombies has even entertained some people with notions of having sex with a zombie. If you happen upon a fairly fresh zombie that looks quite attractive, it might be pretty good pickings. This could be especially true during a zombie apocalypse. Instead of killing all the zombies, the good-looking ones might be held captive for the pleasure of the captor. Assuming that a zombie apocalypse results from some kind of virus that turns the dead into the living dead, some desperate fools might even start killing attractive people with the hope of using them as sex objects.


This idea in itself provides material for great stories and movies. Why all the doom and gloom about zombies in the movies? No matter how hard people try or successful they become at defending themselves from zombie attacks, the zombies keep on rising, spreading panic throughout neighborhoods, communities and nations all for the sake of making more Hollywood sequels. If you can’t beat the zombies, join ‘em. Adding sexual spice can bring happy endings to zombie movies and allows viewers to leave the movie theater in a good mood. Because zombies have disposable body parts, sex with them would make for some interesting sex acts and positions. So it’s important not to become too attached to a zombie. Besides, they probably wouldn’t make cheap dates with the platefuls of raw meat and disgruntled looks from nearby diners. You most likely could have safe sex with zombies because they’re dead, but the CDC would probably advise against it. The virus zombies contract could mutate into something really weird during close encounters.


Zombie sex isn’t all that unique. The term also refers to screwing somebody’s brains out or having mindless sex in the middle of the night with your partner, according to some slang dictionaries. You may have also experienced zombie sex with someone who was a real dud in the sack. Of course, who in his or her right mind would consider sex with a real zombie? There are far better ways to make sex interesting. Leave the zombies to Hollywood; use your imagination to spice up your sex life.


People have been called zombies for lacking energy and enthusiasm. But, like zombies, they can get their lives back again just by using devices that mimic body parts. Dildos, vibrators and men’s masturbation devices provide more pleasant variations of “third-party” sex. Women have been using dildos and vibrators for a long time to bring them full sexual satisfaction, and now men have plenty of products to choose from as well. Enjoying the pleasures of life-like female sex organs or true-to-life dolls will make any man forget about sex with a zombie. What’s more, these additions also enhance sex for both partners during their sessions. It’s like having a threesome, only you don’t have to worry about any post-orgasmic guilt. There’s no actual other person to cause trouble later on. Afterwards, you can curl up together and watch a good zombie movie. Well, maybe not necessarily the best choice. Perhaps a romantic story or instructive video on how to make sex even better can build up your imagination for future sessions. Comedy, drama, romance and mystery all play roles in the continuing saga of sexual expression, as does your imagination.

Read 3757 times Last modified on Tuesday, 24 February 2015

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